How to Start Friends with Benefits Relationship?
Relationships come with pressure, and everybody knows about it. People were always looking for ways to enjoy the benefits of relationships (mostly physical ones) without any “side effects”, in particular, without guilt. And they actually found it—now we call it a “friends with benefits”. But as always, things turned out to be a bit more complicated than they seemed. Today, we’re going to discuss the phenomenon of friends with benefits (FWB), ways to start such a kind of relationship, and actually enjoy them without consequences.
Friends with Benefits: What It Is & What It Is Not
First, let’s define clearly the very concept of FWB. Friends with benefits are friends (it seems ridiculously obvious, but a lot of people actually miss it) who have sex from time to time and don’t expect friendship and sex to transform into something more. Simply put, if you meet someone who seems to be a nice person, sleep with them occasionally, it’s not FWB because you don’t actually know this person. It’s regular but casual sex without commitment. You need to be close enough to be called FWB.
Also, being friends with benefits is not:
- Having sex with your friend without discussing your expectations and letting them think that it may be serious.
- Not seeing others because you already have someone.
- Crying your eyes out when your partner starts to date someone else.
Now, when the concept is clear, let’s move on to other important questions like “how to get an FWB?” and “How to maintain this relationship in a healthy way?”
How to Find a Friend with Benefits?
If you have an attractive friend and you are completely sure that you aren’t meant to be a couple, get drunk, have sex, say that you like it (if you like it), discuss the terms and expectations, and that’s it—enjoy your FWB relationship with your close friend. But what if it’s not an option for you?
In this case, we recommend using FWB apps and hookup sites. Specialized dating sites are even better, actually. You can join one of those platforms (yes, there are websites designed for people looking for new friends and benefits on the web) and narrow the search. After all, it’s much easier to avoid any kind of problem and misunderstanding in a community of like-minded people.
How to Maintain FWB the Right Way
However, finding a friend with benefits is not as complicated as maintaining this type of relationship. Simply put, you need to remain friends without breaking anyone’s heart. Is it possible? Absolutely. How to do it? Here are some of the most useful recommendations.
- Establish strict and clear rules. Pay special attention to this stage—there’s nothing more important than that. Of course, there is no guarantee that you won’t violate them, but at least both of you will be well aware of what you actually expect from each other.
- Ask yourself if you can fall in love. You can’t be responsible for your friend, but you can be honest with yourself. If the answer is “Yes, I can”—just don’t do it. You will regret it one day.
- If you feel hurt, if you are jealous, just stop this. Moreover, if you don’t feel anything like that but see that your friend is acting a bit weird and seeking a deeper connection with you, stop it before you stop being friends with benefits and just friends, too.
- Be respectful. Pay attention to each other’s feelings and desires, listen to each other, and discuss your preferences.
- Control the amount of time you spend together. If you spend all your free evenings with your friend, he or she is not actually a friend anymore.
- Don’t be romantic. It’s your buddy. Just have a beer, eat pizza, have sex. Do what friends usually do, just add the physical.
- Be transparent about changes in your life and your sex life. Secrets always cause problems.
If you don’t want things to become complicated, just be honest with your partner and more importantly, with yourself: don’t spend too much time together, monitor the situation, and discuss problems right after you notice them—suffering in silence will inevitably break someone’s heart.